You know, there's probably better things I could be doing than watching *NSYNC videos on Youtube.*

For example:

I could be out scaring children with my experimental fingernails. I have seen not one but TWO people with nails like this, so I am thinking that looking as though I have dipped my fingertips into a tin of paint is The In Thing.

I could be eating yet another serve of my Mum's Stew. My Mum's Stew, made by me. So, um, my stew. You know what I mean. Every winter since moving out of home at the age of 18 has been spent whining that I missed my mum's stew. On Saturday, I started to feel those familiar pangs and dug out the hand-written recipe book that I carefully transcribed when I was 12 (in my neatest handwriting, actually) and flicked through the battered pages until I found it. And my GOD, I cannot believe I waited seven years to make it. I had one bowl yesterday, and then today I had the only thing better than Mum's Stew - SECOND DAY MUM'S STEW. For real. You need to come over to my house and try it, STAT. I made enough for eight people.

I could be out spending even more money that I don't have. For somebody who is completely skint, I sure do buy a lot of shit. I put this down to forcing myself to not spend any money at all for ten weeks and then lifting this ban when I had Zero Dollars in my bank account after buying a car. Clever much. But Wednesday is payday, hoorah!

Or, you know, if I got bored of those things I could try:

• becoming an accomplished pianist
• fulfilling my lifelong dreams
• um, figuring out what my lifelong dreams are
• and, you know, stuff
  

Sigh. I wish I was in a boy band.

*But that song is just so catchy! And look at wee JT bobbing about on the bed, trying to get his sex on. Awwwww.

Lately, I am on a baking frenzy. I have made muffins two weekends in a row (and I'm wondering if it's just the way they make the house smell that I am addicted to) and am fully getting into the whole "make loads of food and then freeze it for lunches" concept. I even bought a gigantic cookbook from one of those discount book places, and it's not as dodgy as you would expect.

Reading: I've read a few books lately, In Cold Blood (which was quite good), Musicophilia (a non-fiction book about the different ways music impacts the brain, which was quite interesting) and I'm currently reading American Psycho, which has so far made me feel physically queasy only the once, though I still have half the book left to go. It is so very graphic (with both violence and sex) that I can't even act all cavalier on the bus, flaunting my banned book in front of everyone's face, because I find that I need to burrow into a corner so that nobody reads about what Patrick Bateman is doing with two girls over my shoulder.

Watching: He's Just Not That Into You. I saw this last night, and Beardie pretended to watch it with me while he actually surfed the net on his iPhone and read through a JB Hi Fi catalogue. It did have me pondering how anyone can possibly live that kind of lifestyle, going out with a different guy every week and obsessing over whether he is The One (do people really do that? Really??), while my "dating" experience has been to go out with the one guy until we are Boyfriend And Girlfriend without going out with anyone else during that time, which is apparently not the norm. I spent the rest of the movie marvelling at Scarlett Johannson's body - are her boobs actually bigger now than they were before? These are the important questions.

Working: On developing a pre-crazy Britney back:

(Actually, that looks like some pretty frightening spine cleavage.)

And a Jessica Biel arse:

It can be done, surely? Maybe I shouldn't be baking muffins.

Weight loss and fitness: THE JOURNEY*.

[cues Shannon Noll music]

Actually, not all that impressive really. Ten weeks ago, I started wearing a pedometer constantly** and writing down every little bit of exercise I did. I also started exercising, which in itself was a Big Deal for the girl who likes to sit around in fat pants feeling lardy.

I joined up with a website and started recording what I was eating. I stopped buying lunches and social club chocolates and energy drinks and iced tea and lattes and butterscotch hot chocolate with marshmallows and buttery raisin toast for breakfast. This was A Change, and all of a sudden I had shitloads more cash. Funny that.

I cleared all of the crap food out of the house and replaced it all with super healthy goodness. Beardie gave me two Easter eggs this year, and I have eaten one so far, except it took me a month to get through. Yes, a month. I became so jam-packed with fruit and vegetables that I would probably make a hearty addition to your winter stew.

Sigh. And all this because Thailand made me feel podgy.

The Outcome:

• My stamina is up and upper. I can jump around all over the place and my face is only 50% tomato-coloured, instead of 800%.
• I have muscle tone in place of jiggle. Well, there's still a bit of jiggle, but a bit of muscle tone, too.
• I lost weight. Based on BMI, I picked a target of 56kg. As of today, I am 56kg. After Thailand, when I started this thing, I was 63.5. It is kind of freaky that this whole thing has worked out exactly within the ten weeks of the work fitness challenge, but hey, I am down with it.
• I'm back to the weight I was before I started my binge drinking Journey at 18. It's pretty cool, but I'm a bit peeved that a lot of weight seemed to come off my rack. I liked my boobs, but oh well. They're still there, but a bit smaller.
• Not many of my clothes fit me properly anymore, and my jeans are all saggy around the arse.
  

The Lessons We Learn:

• I could, in theory, go onto a diet of pies right now. However I am kind of unsure how to function like a normal human anymore, and will have to keep recording everything I eat, at least for a little while.
• I could, in theory, sit around like a lazy git and watch my newly-developed stamina go to shit. However I'm kind of keen to keep it up for a while longer, and I'm starting a 9-week running program next week which will most likely kill me.
• Most of the snacks I used to eat and consider healthy are actually really shitty for my health. If I become one of those preachy nazi health nuts, can you please punch me in the face.
  

*The extreme overuse of the word 'journey' on Biggest Loser-y type shows makes me cringe, big time.
**Cannot wait to take the bitch off.

Yesterday, Beardie and I celebrated our anniversary. Because we are big, childish nerds, we did the following:

• Went to Underwater World
• Went to a Ginger Factory

Yeah!

Underwater World is pretty similar to how it was the last time I was there (15 years ago). I was still too scared to touch any of the slimy things in the hands-on tank and still very confused by the private parts of rays and sharks. It was pretty darn cool.

I have an unhealthy obsession with ginger. Sometimes people become obsessed with ginger, when they're elderly and wear cardigans all the time. I am 25 and I want to marry ginger. While I'm at it, I also love cardigans. I ran around the ginger shop like it was Willy Wonka's ginger factory, waving my arms and leaving a trail of drool. Damn this healthy eating bullshit; I could only leave with some ginger bears and a solitary gingerbread man. But they have an online shop, and I will be back. Oh yes.


In brief:

• I emptied my entire savings account today, to pay for the car. My tiny bank balance makes me sad.
• Only a week and a half of my fitness thing left! I will do a full wrap-up next week, but it's been a pretty interesting run (and for reasons I cannot fathom, pretty darn successful).
• I bought some new glasses and prescription sunglasses today. Because apparently I am not content leaving any money in my account, at all. But these things must be done as I progressively become more decrepit and blind.

Adios!

1.

Today is my mummy's birthday. Happy birthday, Mum (who doesn't know this blog exists)! As I have this week off work (hallelujah!), Mumsy, my brother and I have been lunching and gift giving and the like. In today's episode of The Sordid Lives of the Mountain Dwellers!!!1!:

Mum: So the neighbours disappeared in the middle of the night!
Me: Really?
Mum: Yes! His car was repossessed one day and then PHFLFLT*! Off they went the next!
Me: Wow!
Mum: You'll never guess what. Their house was full of..[pauses for effect]..chicken shit.
Me: What?
Mum: Chicken shit.
Me: IN the house?
Mum: Yep. In the house. They kept chickens... IN THE HOUSE.
Me: What on earth.
Mum: They had a mountain of washing up which they never did. And the chickens shat all over that, too!
Me: Jeez.
Mum: They had two kids. Those poor kids. They were always running around, screaming.
Me: I'll bet.

2.

I BOUGHT A CAR. Well, kind of. I made an offer, and the dude accepted it, but there has been no exchange of cash and car as yet. There probably won't be until next week, at least. It is a whole ten years younger than my last car (2005, ooh la la!) and is completely impractical, not overly fuel efficient or cost effective. So the perfect choice for me, really.

If anyone wants a 1995 Mazda Astina who goes by the name of "Little Green Shitbox" and/or "Swank" then you are more than welcome to make me an offer. Or you could just buy me a beer and it'll be an even trade.

3.

Dear Telstra,

This is the fifth time you have sent me this bill. You are stupid.

From,

RAT.

*You know the noise I am trying to make here, right?