Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Today is my mummy's birthday. Happy birthday, Mum (who doesn't know this blog exists)! As I have this week off work (hallelujah!), Mumsy, my brother and I have been lunching and gift giving and the like. In today's episode of The Sordid Lives of the Mountain Dwellers!!!1!:

Mum: So the neighbours disappeared in the middle of the night!
Me: Really?
Mum: Yes! His car was repossessed one day and then PHFLFLT*! Off they went the next!
Me: Wow!
Mum: You'll never guess what. Their house was full of..[pauses for effect]..chicken shit.
Me: What?
Mum: Chicken shit.
Me: IN the house?
Mum: Yep. In the house. They kept chickens... IN THE HOUSE.
Me: What on earth.
Mum: They had a mountain of washing up which they never did. And the chickens shat all over that, too!
Me: Jeez.
Mum: They had two kids. Those poor kids. They were always running around, screaming.
Me: I'll bet.


I BOUGHT A CAR. Well, kind of. I made an offer, and the dude accepted it, but there has been no exchange of cash and car as yet. There probably won't be until next week, at least. It is a whole ten years younger than my last car (2005, ooh la la!) and is completely impractical, not overly fuel efficient or cost effective. So the perfect choice for me, really.

If anyone wants a 1995 Mazda Astina who goes by the name of "Little Green Shitbox" and/or "Swank" then you are more than welcome to make me an offer. Or you could just buy me a beer and it'll be an even trade.


Dear Telstra,

This is the fifth time you have sent me this bill. You are stupid.



*You know the noise I am trying to make here, right?


Mark said...

Nice ride. I suggest you use it to crush the green shitbox, monster truck style.

Mind you, isn't that the car from Gilmore Girls?

RAT said...

Mark, it has been quite a while since I've seen the Gilmore Girls, but I've done a bit of research and yep, it looks pretty similar. But I'm 9 years too late to have a daughter at sixteen and then be ridiculously hot while my daughter is coming of age and also ridiculously hot, while we both talk extremely quickly. And your monster truck idea is excellent, I am also planning to randomly drive up kerbs and spend at least 50% of my time on the footpath. Because I've got to make it worth it, damn it.