Right After This

I am lazy. La-la-lazy. Take me away from work and put me at home with no plans whatsoever, and watch me turn into a gluttonous procrastinator who takes frequent naps. I have made a mental list of all the things I should really do over this Christmas break, and my plan of attack so far has been to lay on the couch a lot, and play Fable II until my eyes are so bloodshot that I look like I celebrated Christmas by smoking a small mountain of pot.

In fact, right now I am currently experiencing a high of the most energy I have had so far these holidays, and rather than cleaning up this sty of a house, or planning next year's trip away, I'm putting it to good use on this here blog, before I go out to gorge myself on Thai food.

Cirque du Soleil: Last night, Beardie and I went out to see hundreds of circus freaks prance about on stage, and it was absolutely awesome. Beardie had splurged and bought VIP tickets, which meant that we ended up in a la-de-da tent with other similarly posh people, drinking free booze (FREE, NEVER ENDING BOOZE) and snacking on hors d'oeuvres (and one day, I hope to be able to spell that without looking it up). My favourite was super bendy girl (total freak of nature) and the boys who jump through small hoops. Hoorah!

And now for a full, feature-length episode of The Sordid Lives of the Mountain Dwellers!!!!!: On Boxing Day, Beardie and I traipsed out into woop-woop to go and see mumsy and bro for some merry Christmas cheer. We stopped at the local country pub (the kind of place where the bearded locals put down their beers and stare at you when you arrive) for a bite to eat.

Mum: Pineapple juice! Do you know what it has in it?
Me: [shakes head]
Mum: MAGNESIUM! And hardly anything has magnesium in it these days. Oh and the neighbour's ducks are at my front door every morning now. One of them was shot by our other neighbour and then lay there in the sun for hours, its blood congealing...
Me: [spluttering] Mum!
Mum: [laughs] Oh sorry. So, Beardie, since the last time I saw you, you look... how do you say it.. fuller?
Me: [chokes] MUM!
Mum: Oh, I don't mean it as an insult. You were too thin the last time I saw you. Now you're average. [to my brother] Tsk, you're drinking Coke. It doesn't even tell you that it has aspartame in it, you know. Oh, it's not diet. Well it doesn't even tell you it has six teaspoons of sugar in it, you know.
Bro: [guzzles drink, making Mmmm noises]

Christmas cheer: for the first time that I can remember, I have visibly gained weight over Christmas. I am normally not that much of an overindulger, but this year my gut is noticeably bigger, and I don't like it one bit. Unfortunately, the whole house is so jam-packed with chocolate, jelly beans, and leftover candy canes, that my chances of making any difference are not that crash hot. But I have decided to at least try and go to the gym next week, to try and pilates my gut away. We shall see.

I hope your Christmas has been very merry indeed.