Right After This

I had lunch with my mum today. In today's episode of The Sordid Lives of the Mountain Dwellers!!!1!!:

"So, the people who live across the road are always partying. Until 3am, every night. Every night! And we knew they were on drugs, because your brother went over there one day and they were just lying on the table. Can you believe they were so bold as to leave drugs all over the table? But then the other night there was a massive police raid, and ALL of the police were there, and since then it's been quiet."

My mum handed me a book called Your Health at Risk, with the sub-heading 'What doctors and the government aren't telling you.'

"Margarine!!!@!1 You wouldn't believe what's in margarine."

In the next episode: hear about the nextdoor neighbour's lover, who has gone back to her husband! And all about the snake that ate the chickens!

I had decided today that I was not going to spend much cash, having spent far too much on Friday. However, I have been consistently annoyed with my mobile phone lately (with the messages from beyond, etc.) and it was the last straw when my mum had been frantically calling me, and none of the calls had come through.

So I went to a mobile phone store. A salesman walked over and asked if he could help with anything.

I explained my situation. I specifically said the words: I need a new phone. I listed all of my requirements and he was able to give several suggestions. I then told him about my current contract situation and we went through exactly what would need to happen for me to switch to a new phone, and a new plan.

So, my thinking is that I am The Sure Thing in sales terms, right? I have basically walked into this shop with a sign on my forehead saying I AM YOUR NEXT COMMISSION.

"This phone is looking pretty good," I say.

"Quite frankly, that phone is crap," he replies.

"Oh," I say, wondering where the great school of how NOT to sell things is located.

"Yeah, how about I leave you this brochure, and you can come back when you've decided." And with that, he turned around and started chatting with the other salesperson, about general crap.

Are you kidding me? How many signals can I give that I want to buy something? And this is rare for me, because I normally give off growly 'do I LOOK like I want your help?' sort of signals. So now I DON'T have a new phone, when I really, really wanted one, and this guy has missed out on the funding for his next tub of hair gel.

I guess it must be me.