I bought a pretty flowy dress and I am unsure if I will ever wear it. But it was 30% off! And you can't argue with that logic.

*

I had a meeting with the most childish man on earth today. It was supposed to be me, my manager, and twatface, but my manager cancelled at the last minute. Man, I was pissed. An hour stuck in a room with a total git, without somebody else to fill the gaps in the conversation where I was silently seething with fury? That is not cool.

So I thought about it, and took a different tack, and decided to try and be the non-existent magnanimous and peaceable version of myself. I politely laughed at crap jokes and steered the conversation away from "I hate you" and "well I hate you more". And I think he wants to marry me now. So GO ME and my developing people skills, but eww.

Work is quiet this week, which is tops, but crap, all at the same time. Tops in that I'm not tearing my hair out or grinding my teeth down to stumps, and crap in that I keep checking my e-mail, and sticking my nose into other peoples work, and walking around reading the Workplace Health and Safety signs.

Also on the work front, SURPRISE, the head honcho types are all desperate to finalise all of the vacant positions, so SURPRISE, I was told today that I have an interview tomorrow, at 8:15am. SURPRISE. And the worst thing of all is that I work closely with everyone on the panel, so I can't fluff any of my answers. And I feel embarrassed about saying that I can give "valuable insight into the call centre industry" on my resume, which is total and utter fluff.

This blog post actually takes place over two days. Tricksy!

Time to try and sleep for a few hours before the stress kicks in.

It is a good time for Stuff That I Like:

Caution: NERD ALERT. Despite being a geek, I normally have a touch of the girliness about me. Until Gears of War II comes out, that is. As of November, I will be locked in the house, marvelling at the wonderful invention of a gun with a chainsaw attached, as I cackle maniacally and slaughter THE LOCUST HORDE.

At the end of this month, Ben Folds new album will be out, which is ACE. As everyone should know, Ben Folds is my husband. It looks like it will be right up my alley, hoorah!

The new season of Heroes is starting in two weeks. I get to watch it and vicariously pretend that I have super powers! Squeal!

The second season of Secret Diary of a Call Girl (the TV series based on Belle de Jour) has started, which is also very squeal-worthy. I get to watch it and vicariously pretend that I am a glamorous prostitute, without any of the moral implications. Yay!

And The Other Stuff:

I mentioned in passing that I would soon have to put in a formal application for the job that I'm doing at the moment. Lo and behold, surprise-fricking-surprise, it was sprung on me late last week for submission by 9am tomorrow morning. Completely redoing your resume, when you haven't bothered to keep it up to date since you applied for a totally different position a year ago, is a freaking mammoth task. Which is why I have spent a fair chunk of today doing it. But at least this is the easy part. If I score an interview, then I can properly start shitting myself.

I met up with the friend on Friday night. It was a work drinks night, and I had successfully managed to knock back the offers of Super Cheap booze numerous times. We went to the quietest pub we could find and managed to have a bit of a chat, before EVERYONE from my work miraculously turned up at the pub. Way to spoil things, guys! Turns out that someone had thrown a bottle off the roof, or something crazy, and everyone had been kicked out. And then decided to make their way to the exact pub where we happened to be, and formed a gigantic circle right next to us. So methinks that maybe another meetup is in order.

Instead of the heart-to-heart it was supposed to be, I: ended up in an emo bar (an experience that I would like to never repeat, thanks), danced like a stripper for my work friends in a taxi, couldn't get over the fact that a man had Jackson for a first name instead of surname, and then proceeded to sing "Sorry Miss Jackson, I am for reee-eaaal!" at him (along with five others) until he moved away in annoyance.

I am very poor! We went to get our groceries today and decided to check out some outdoor furniture. And then bought some. A five-piece setting and a sunlounge, plus a gigantic umbrella. And then we bought the groceries, came home, and booked our break for November to the Whitsundays. Only flights and accommodation at the moment, but yes, I am as poor as poor gets. Beardie is poorer, as on top of all of this he also bought the Guitar Hero pack, with two guitars.

And that, I think, is about it.

Following on from my previous book whinge, I finished a book this morning that was actually Not Too Bad. Eve Green by Susan Fletcher, which I mainly picked for the Welsh connection, and also because I am still susceptible to the term "modern classic", even though it is bandied around so much that it seems to have become the herpes of literature.

1 in 8 books is a Modern Classic. Have yours checked today.

So not all that bad, though it was a bit wishy-washy, and it was only in the last tenth of the book that anything actually happened. Just lots of hints of things happening throughout.

And now I get to pick which book I will read next, which is of course the best fun a girl can have.

Work is stressing me out, and why I am currently leading a team of 17 when I much prefer to sit in a corner by myself is completely beyond me. I don't know how to support and motivate people, I just generally want them to go away. And this attitude does not a good team leader make. Over the next month or two I will have the opportunity to apply for this job on a permanent basis, instead of The Acting which is currently going on at the moment. And the lovely cash is too much to pass up, so I will go for it, regardless. Yet I am sort of hoping that they find somebody more suitable than me, so that I can stop worrying that people refer to me as The Crap Team Leader. That whole fat pants desk job I mentioned before would be sweet right about now.

And I've totally broken the work rule, again. Pffffffft.

I am onto Book Two in the piano playing saga! I have graduated from The Entertainer and Amazing Grace onto other things! When Beardie's parents were visiting, I actually played for an audience for the first time, so therefore completely shat myself and made a bazillion mistakes, as expected. Wow!

As Beardie is still asleep, and I'm hungry, the odds of me eating jelly beans for breakfast have increased dramatically.

I said that I wouldn't blog work, but I'm at the end of my flippin' tether*.

I will blog it, but I will be all vague and annoying.

I had a meeting with the most infuriating man on earth today. He had Spoilt Little Boy syndrome. Obviously used to getting his own way and being cleverer than everyone for his entire life, this man wasted 1 hour and 30 minutes of my time by arguing every point I made, drifting off on a tangent every five minutes, and annoying the shit out of me.

Can I also say right here that he had long girl nails and soft dainty hands like a woman.

Some people who work in IT are quirky and funny, and some are absolute bastards.

Quirky and funny:


Absolute BASTARD:


No, I didn't know that Hitler worked in IT either, until today.

If I could please get a job where I get to wear fat pants, drink hot chocolate, live like a hermit and not have to talk to twats, that would be tops. Please. Pretty please.

*Season Two is out on DVD, whoo!

Busy!

• Thailand is postponed until February, at the earliest. And not because of any whacky anti-government demonstrations, but because Beardie tried to put in his leave and was told that it was a No Go. Devo! So we are having a mini-break, most likely to The Whitsundays, and Thailand shall come later. Which is better than it not happening at all, but still. Sniff.
  
  
• In a couple of weeks I am meeting up with the friend I mentioned in this post, to, you know. Catch up, and talk. And stuff. Thoughts = don't know. We will just see what happens. Mmkay.
  
  
• This weekend, Beardie's parents have been visiting, and we introduced them to the yum cha experience. We took them to Sunnybank yum cha, which is basically total mayhem. You arrive, take a ticket, and don't expect a table for another 45 minutes, at least. We thought our number was called ("TWO!") and we followed the lady to a table. The manager-type person hurried over and said "oh no, not TWO, I called SHOO. A reservation for the big fat lady and her friends." Yes, that's right, the head honcho of yum cha referred to a patron as "the big fat lady." Now those are some fantastic customer service skills which I am going to adopt at work immediately.
  

• Also during this visit:
  
  
  • Beardie's dad went through the files on both PC's in the house searching for movies/various other media that he could copy over to his hard drive and take back to Tasmania. This was all good until he stumbled upon a substantial amount of porn. Oops!
    
    
  • Beardie's mum greeted me, and referred to me by his ex's name. Oops again! I didn't hear it at the time, but when Beardie told me later I said "I don't mind that your mum did it... now if YOU did it, on the other hand..." and then I dished out a handful of scrotum-damaging threats.
    
    
• I am completely bored of reading shitty books. Why are so many books so very crappy? What happened to the books that you can't put down? I don't know where they are. I picked up a pamphlet from Borders called "50 books that you can't put down" (or something similar) but I suspect it is full of lies. Lies and deceit! If throwing them out a window does not count as putting them down, then yes, 100% correct.

Etc.

It's when I visit my mum that I realise where all of my neuroses and exceedingly anal behavioural traits have come from. The main example to point out here is that I arranged to meet my mother at 12, but know that she's always early (plus I want to buy a couple of things) so I get there at 10:20, and at 10:30 find I've missed a phone call from my mum, her voice slightly frantic because she hates talking on my voicemail, saying "are you here yet??"

So I go and meet my mother for our 12 o'clock lunch together, at 10:30.

Explain this to me.

Every time I meet up with mummy and bro I realise how very far removed I've become from my old, country girl self. Living on top of a mountain did nothing to aid the growth of my social skills, and as much of a misfit as I feel these days, I can't help but feel like the most cosmopolitan city-dweller on earth when we visit together.

Though I did catch up on the gossip of who's cutting down their trees, and the pagan rituals the nextdoor neighbour performs, and the feral cats that fight at night, and the backstabbing children of another neighbour who are trying to put him into a nursing home so that they can take his $1.5 million enormous property, and...

They should turn it into a soap opera. The Lives of the Mountain Dwellers. The SORDID Lives of the Mountain Dwellers. Or something equally exciting.

It's a shame though, because I think that living up there gives my mum some funny ideas. She's too far removed from everything, and watches too many reruns of The Gilmore Girls and Seachange. And she is tiny, and prim and proper, yet in the middle of lunch she blurted "those Gilmore Girls, what a pair of whorebags!" and made me choke on my sushi.

Gosh.

Woah! Check out how serious this post is!

P.S. I bought new jeans and peanut butter M&M's.

So, on this wondrous day of sitting on my arse, I am listening to music and dipping McVities into my many cups of tea.

In a minute, I am going to finish my book, and pick which one I am going to read next.

VERY EXCITING!

(Totally not kidding)

I was a little worried that I was finally getting the awful flu that everyone else seems to have, when I woke up all headachey and snotty, but this seems to have disappeared following the consumption of much tea.

GO TEA!

You know, I love tea. Every single morning, I drink my tea, and then say in an Irish accent "There's nothing loik a noice cup o' tea." I am unsure why I do this in an Irish accent. It's my thing.

In other news: ha! This post is massively boring and shit!

So, uh, if you could all just blog right now and give me something else to do, that would be sweet.

Mmkaythxbye.

Body odour.

It's a funny thing really.

I was quite excited that my bus was a lovely, shiny, air-conditioned bus, rather than one of the crusty old ones. However, air-conditioned means sealed windows which can't be opened in any way at all, and I completely despised my bus when the stinkiest man on earth sat next to me.

Now, if I have been to the gym (pfffft) or running around, then I will be conscious of the fact that I probably don't smell like roses. I'll put on deoderant, or steer clear of close contact with total strangers.

But not everyone follows my logic.

So this is how I find myself gagging on the bus ride home this afternoon.

Fun times.

For a Monday, today wasn't too bad. I actually left feeling quite cheery, instead of dejected and hating the world. Yay me! This may be in some way due to scoring both Thursday AND Friday off work this week. Two glorious days of sitting around, a mum visit, and more sitting around. Followed by the weekend! SCORE.

Now if this could happen to me every Monday, then that it would make it a pretty awesome day of the week.

Yesterday, we went to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.

• An eagle hit Beardie in the head with its wing
• A rainbow lorikeet hit Beardie in the head with its squirty poo
• I got scratches all over my wrist from little scratchy bird claws
• We both got various animal poo all over shoes
• I touched a kangaroo, it twitched violently, and I almost crapped myself thinking that it was going to beat the crap out of me
• We both said "ewwwwwwww" loudly after looking at the gigantic crocodile's disgusting foot growths
• We commented on the incredible reek of the koalas, and vowed to never touch one, never ever never
  

I meant to take the video camera with me and make the Best Home Video Ever, but discovered that the battery was flat right as we were leaving. Devo! But we have decided that the next school group-type adventure will be to Underwater World, and I won't be making the same mistake.

I have both today and tomorrow off work because at the moment I am trying to destress, or something like it. In actual fact, I have no idea what to do with myself. I think I am going to have my nails turned into something respectable, before I start taking out peoples eyes with my massive talons, and I will quite possibly also go and waste my cash on shiny things and clothes. Maybe some shiny clothes. I also suspect I will sit around and watch the DVD's I've been buying but not watching, and then play online games like a super geeky nerd geek. Oh, and of course some piano playing, in the desperate hope that I will magically turn into Ben Folds.

And at the end of it, I better be fricking stress-free, or else I'll be pissed. And stressed.

Tomorrow I'm attending an afternoon workshop as a representative of the agency I work for. I could possibly be required to "network". This will be quite difficult due to the following:

• I'm a social retard
• There will be no beer available
• My attempts at conversation result in convulsive giggles
• Talking about work is about as much fun as stabbing my tender bits with a spork
• Bleurghhhhh
• Etc.
  

Alas, I am going nonetheless, and I'm going to try and ditch my standard hobo outfit and dress like a Professional, Young Woman. Or something. And if I can score a couple of business cards then I'll be able to go back to work and flash them around like I've been successful at this whole networking thing, even though I'll have gathered them by stealing them from back pockets and handbags.

Wish me luck!

Actually, don't bother.