Friday, July 11, 2008

So I'm standing there, facing them all, and I feel my face start to burn up. My palms start sweating. Actually, I just start sweating in general, like I'm playing football in a fleecey coat. My voice cracks a little, and I giggle nervously in between sentences.

I'm filling in for my boss, and that means running the meetings.

SHIT.

Option One: imagine them all naked.

Now I don't know about you, but if I was in a room of naked strangers it wouldn't make me feel at ease. It would freak me the hell out. And I would be trying to look anywhere other than their genitalia, but would inevitably accidentally look at somebody's privates, which would result in more stress than running the meeting. Like in real life when you realise that you just casually glanced at someone's crotch, and that person saw you do it.

Option Two: don't make eye contact with anyone.

Just focus on something above their heads, right? And pretend that I'm just talking to nobody. Of course, talking to nobody makes me feel silly, and is also a sign of having The Crazies. So, no.

Option Three: feign illness to get out of it.

No feigning required. Meetings make me feel ill.

Option Four: SUCK IT UP, BITCH.

Oh, alright, inner me. Gosh you're mean.



I'm all out of other options. I will just have to deal.

Though any suggestions to combat the superawfulness are welcome.

Bleurgh. I'm not cut out for this stuff.

3 comments:

nailpolishblues said...

Like in real life when you realise that you just casually glanced at someone's crotch, and that person saw you do it.

I did that in an interview once. I did not take the job.

Mark said...

Blërg indeed. I find going to pieces is usually the easiest option in these situations. Strong drink is also a popular solution.* If success is required, however, the only sure remedy for nerves is to stop thinking about what you're saying and just say it. Focus on the idea, not how to communicate it. That's my approach.

*unintentional double-entendreness!

RAT said...

Nails, I'm massively prudish about that type of thing too so accidentally looking at someone's crotch makes my head pretty much explode.

Mark, fortunately I actually did ok in the meeting (besides my face turning extremely red and the sweating), mainly because I was so busy that I didn't have time to overthink it. Thank you for your most excellent advice, good sir.