Right After This

Today I went to work with my heavy, bloodshot, WoW eyes, and looked like I had been smoking hash for breakfast. This is what happens when you dedicate your weekend to being a giant nerd. I drank butterscotch hot chocolate for the sickly sugariness and followed it up with a coke, to try and get me some sort of a buzz and just survive my first day back after the long, long weekend.

It worked. Sort of.

At around 10am I started to feel vaguely human, and started to actually do work. Sort of.

At around 10:05am I was told that I would be training a new starter.

At 10:05am I writhed in agony, curled up in a ball and died.

Training is the worst. The worst of the worst. I cannot tolerate training. Simply. Cannot. Surprisingly, it turns out that I have zero patience with people. What a Barry Crocker.

Me: Ok, so you click on the Inbox...
Them: [looks blankly at the screen. Moves mouse cursor in circles.]
Me: Yep, the inbox. At the top-left of the screen.
Them: Inbox, inbox....
Me: THE. INBOX. RIGHT. HERE. [jabs finger at screen, leaving fingerprints]
Them: Oh.

[Later]

Me: Ok, so now let's go back to the Inbox...
Them: [blank, no glimmer of understanding, no flicker of recognition]
Me: [audibly huffs. Dies inside.]

I think I just want people to understand it RIGHT NOW. Not later, NOW. Having to train someone who just doesn't Get It is like scraping off my skin with a fork.

My biggest training pet hate (and I apologise for the rantiness here) is people who Don't Take Notes. Ooh, non-note taker. You have a photographic memory? You think that you will remember this tomorrow? YOU WILL NOT. No. And then you will ask me how to do it again. Where is my whacky stick?

Man. I need to chill. Don't you think?

And sometimes you have those moments when you do actually train somebody who just Gets It, and you are so overjoyed and filled with rapturous bliss that you want to marry them and buy them presents and cover them slobbery kisses.

Well, maybe it's just me.