You know, there's probably better things I could be doing than watching *NSYNC videos on Youtube.*

For example:

I could be out scaring children with my experimental fingernails. I have seen not one but TWO people with nails like this, so I am thinking that looking as though I have dipped my fingertips into a tin of paint is The In Thing.

I could be eating yet another serve of my Mum's Stew. My Mum's Stew, made by me. So, um, my stew. You know what I mean. Every winter since moving out of home at the age of 18 has been spent whining that I missed my mum's stew. On Saturday, I started to feel those familiar pangs and dug out the hand-written recipe book that I carefully transcribed when I was 12 (in my neatest handwriting, actually) and flicked through the battered pages until I found it. And my GOD, I cannot believe I waited seven years to make it. I had one bowl yesterday, and then today I had the only thing better than Mum's Stew - SECOND DAY MUM'S STEW. For real. You need to come over to my house and try it, STAT. I made enough for eight people.

I could be out spending even more money that I don't have. For somebody who is completely skint, I sure do buy a lot of shit. I put this down to forcing myself to not spend any money at all for ten weeks and then lifting this ban when I had Zero Dollars in my bank account after buying a car. Clever much. But Wednesday is payday, hoorah!

Or, you know, if I got bored of those things I could try:

• becoming an accomplished pianist
• fulfilling my lifelong dreams
• um, figuring out what my lifelong dreams are
• and, you know, stuff
  

Sigh. I wish I was in a boy band.

*But that song is just so catchy! And look at wee JT bobbing about on the bed, trying to get his sex on. Awwwww.

Lately, I am on a baking frenzy. I have made muffins two weekends in a row (and I'm wondering if it's just the way they make the house smell that I am addicted to) and am fully getting into the whole "make loads of food and then freeze it for lunches" concept. I even bought a gigantic cookbook from one of those discount book places, and it's not as dodgy as you would expect.

Reading: I've read a few books lately, In Cold Blood (which was quite good), Musicophilia (a non-fiction book about the different ways music impacts the brain, which was quite interesting) and I'm currently reading American Psycho, which has so far made me feel physically queasy only the once, though I still have half the book left to go. It is so very graphic (with both violence and sex) that I can't even act all cavalier on the bus, flaunting my banned book in front of everyone's face, because I find that I need to burrow into a corner so that nobody reads about what Patrick Bateman is doing with two girls over my shoulder.

Watching: He's Just Not That Into You. I saw this last night, and Beardie pretended to watch it with me while he actually surfed the net on his iPhone and read through a JB Hi Fi catalogue. It did have me pondering how anyone can possibly live that kind of lifestyle, going out with a different guy every week and obsessing over whether he is The One (do people really do that? Really??), while my "dating" experience has been to go out with the one guy until we are Boyfriend And Girlfriend without going out with anyone else during that time, which is apparently not the norm. I spent the rest of the movie marvelling at Scarlett Johannson's body - are her boobs actually bigger now than they were before? These are the important questions.

Working: On developing a pre-crazy Britney back:

(Actually, that looks like some pretty frightening spine cleavage.)

And a Jessica Biel arse:

It can be done, surely? Maybe I shouldn't be baking muffins.

Weight loss and fitness: THE JOURNEY*.

[cues Shannon Noll music]

Actually, not all that impressive really. Ten weeks ago, I started wearing a pedometer constantly** and writing down every little bit of exercise I did. I also started exercising, which in itself was a Big Deal for the girl who likes to sit around in fat pants feeling lardy.

I joined up with a website and started recording what I was eating. I stopped buying lunches and social club chocolates and energy drinks and iced tea and lattes and butterscotch hot chocolate with marshmallows and buttery raisin toast for breakfast. This was A Change, and all of a sudden I had shitloads more cash. Funny that.

I cleared all of the crap food out of the house and replaced it all with super healthy goodness. Beardie gave me two Easter eggs this year, and I have eaten one so far, except it took me a month to get through. Yes, a month. I became so jam-packed with fruit and vegetables that I would probably make a hearty addition to your winter stew.

Sigh. And all this because Thailand made me feel podgy.

The Outcome:

• My stamina is up and upper. I can jump around all over the place and my face is only 50% tomato-coloured, instead of 800%.
• I have muscle tone in place of jiggle. Well, there's still a bit of jiggle, but a bit of muscle tone, too.
• I lost weight. Based on BMI, I picked a target of 56kg. As of today, I am 56kg. After Thailand, when I started this thing, I was 63.5. It is kind of freaky that this whole thing has worked out exactly within the ten weeks of the work fitness challenge, but hey, I am down with it.
• I'm back to the weight I was before I started my binge drinking Journey at 18. It's pretty cool, but I'm a bit peeved that a lot of weight seemed to come off my rack. I liked my boobs, but oh well. They're still there, but a bit smaller.
• Not many of my clothes fit me properly anymore, and my jeans are all saggy around the arse.
  

The Lessons We Learn:

• I could, in theory, go onto a diet of pies right now. However I am kind of unsure how to function like a normal human anymore, and will have to keep recording everything I eat, at least for a little while.
• I could, in theory, sit around like a lazy git and watch my newly-developed stamina go to shit. However I'm kind of keen to keep it up for a while longer, and I'm starting a 9-week running program next week which will most likely kill me.
• Most of the snacks I used to eat and consider healthy are actually really shitty for my health. If I become one of those preachy nazi health nuts, can you please punch me in the face.
  

*The extreme overuse of the word 'journey' on Biggest Loser-y type shows makes me cringe, big time.
**Cannot wait to take the bitch off.

Yesterday, Beardie and I celebrated our anniversary. Because we are big, childish nerds, we did the following:

• Went to Underwater World
• Went to a Ginger Factory

Yeah!

Underwater World is pretty similar to how it was the last time I was there (15 years ago). I was still too scared to touch any of the slimy things in the hands-on tank and still very confused by the private parts of rays and sharks. It was pretty darn cool.

I have an unhealthy obsession with ginger. Sometimes people become obsessed with ginger, when they're elderly and wear cardigans all the time. I am 25 and I want to marry ginger. While I'm at it, I also love cardigans. I ran around the ginger shop like it was Willy Wonka's ginger factory, waving my arms and leaving a trail of drool. Damn this healthy eating bullshit; I could only leave with some ginger bears and a solitary gingerbread man. But they have an online shop, and I will be back. Oh yes.


In brief:

• I emptied my entire savings account today, to pay for the car. My tiny bank balance makes me sad.
• Only a week and a half of my fitness thing left! I will do a full wrap-up next week, but it's been a pretty interesting run (and for reasons I cannot fathom, pretty darn successful).
• I bought some new glasses and prescription sunglasses today. Because apparently I am not content leaving any money in my account, at all. But these things must be done as I progressively become more decrepit and blind.

Adios!

1.

Today is my mummy's birthday. Happy birthday, Mum (who doesn't know this blog exists)! As I have this week off work (hallelujah!), Mumsy, my brother and I have been lunching and gift giving and the like. In today's episode of The Sordid Lives of the Mountain Dwellers!!!1!:

Mum: So the neighbours disappeared in the middle of the night!
Me: Really?
Mum: Yes! His car was repossessed one day and then PHFLFLT*! Off they went the next!
Me: Wow!
Mum: You'll never guess what. Their house was full of..[pauses for effect]..chicken shit.
Me: What?
Mum: Chicken shit.
Me: IN the house?
Mum: Yep. In the house. They kept chickens... IN THE HOUSE.
Me: What on earth.
Mum: They had a mountain of washing up which they never did. And the chickens shat all over that, too!
Me: Jeez.
Mum: They had two kids. Those poor kids. They were always running around, screaming.
Me: I'll bet.

2.

I BOUGHT A CAR. Well, kind of. I made an offer, and the dude accepted it, but there has been no exchange of cash and car as yet. There probably won't be until next week, at least. It is a whole ten years younger than my last car (2005, ooh la la!) and is completely impractical, not overly fuel efficient or cost effective. So the perfect choice for me, really.

If anyone wants a 1995 Mazda Astina who goes by the name of "Little Green Shitbox" and/or "Swank" then you are more than welcome to make me an offer. Or you could just buy me a beer and it'll be an even trade.

3.

Dear Telstra,

This is the fifth time you have sent me this bill. You are stupid.

From,

RAT.

*You know the noise I am trying to make here, right?

So, I passed my manual driving test this morning. This is fantastic news, because of the following:

• I no longer have to have lessons with one of the most infuriating men on earth. Mr. Forgets-a-lot who reprimanded me on pretty much everything I did and told me that he had given up hope of me ever slowing down for corners. Maybe I did suck quite badly, but I can only handle a solid hour of "don't do that" and "CLUTCH CONTROL!" and "be careful about this" for so long before paying $55 for the privilege seems to be an unfair price. And I can't have been as bad as he made out if my creepy tester let me pass. Surely.
  

• I can go car shopping! The little green shitbox is making high-pitched whirring noises quite a lot these days (not to mention billowing black smoke from under the bonnet), and I think that during this economic crisis it is high time for me to get myself into a lot of debt. Because I'm clever like that.

• I have a much nicer licence photo! Admittedly, I did tart myself up a little bit in the hope that should my driving efforts be abysmal, perhaps I could flutter my eyelashes to reach a pass mark, and as a result I don't look like my usual hobo self in my photo. Hoorah!

• I never have to take another driving test, ever again! Retrospectively, I really shouldn't have been such a lazy cow and taken the easy way out in the first place, but what's done is done, and I am stoked to be finished with it.

Lovely!

On Thursday, the Director sat us down to discuss Our Jobs. He used the phrase "the economic crisis has come to Queensland government." He likes to say things like that for impact. Apparently the area that I work in is considered a target by the other head honcho types, and while everyone is looking for ways to save money (they just took away the free teabags), our jobs may be at risk. May be at risk. Nobody knows anything, or if they do, they're not saying a word.

A couple of people felt a little panicked. The Director said that we shouldn't panic, and that we should boost our performance so that the Cost-Cutters have nothing to fault us on. I took in this information quite calmly. With the rate that things progress in government, if I am going to lose my job it will probably take a few months, at least. I already scour Seek every morning for shiny new jobs. There is no change. Business as usual.

It's probably pretty unlikely that they would fire me, though.


I mean, who would fire the owner of incredibly sexy sock boots such as these?

They'd have to be crazy.

I feel like I need to do something. Start my own business, trek somewhere exciting, begin a quest for Youtube stardom, something.

Unfortunately, I'm fresh out of ideas. I will just have to sit here until my feet stop itching.

News!

No news.

No news is good news? Actually, no news = boring life. Part of my Itchy Feet Syndrome seems to be feeling desperate to blog, but I have tried several times this week only to find that my only content is Bitching About Work, and Boring Fitness Stories. So, in an effort to not fall back onto those two old faithful topics, here's some random bullet points about other things in my life:

• My pet bird has a broken feather. He keeps yanking on it, and getting it caught in the bars of the cage, and squawking in pain.
  
  
• We went out for dinner last night at a Trendy restaurant. Definition of Trendy: it was packed with young folk in fashionable outfits, the lights were dimmed down low, curtains were slung around the place, and the seats were actually cushions on the floor. Needless to say, with my jeans/singlet combo and lack of shiny accessories, I did not fit in. While we were waiting in the bar area, I was almost swallowed by a bean bag.
  
  
• Beardie and I visited DFO today for the first time, after hearing so much about its 'shopping mecca' status. It was large, but not quite the size of a small country, and contained some cheap prices, but also some expensive ones too, and we bought some square, black plates. Because food tastes better when it is served on stylish crockery, you see.
  

WINTER COAT:


Speaking of winter, the weather is coming along very nicely. Despite my Driver's Arm sunburn suggesting the contrary, the mornings and evenings are cool, and I get to wear hoodies sometimes. Hoodies are only second in the Comfort Clothing category to my fat pants.

• We gave some friends a lift into the Valley for dinner last night, and I was faced with a Reverse Parking dilemma. Dilemma = I was forced to reverse park. I have not really tried reverse parking since I actually passed my test, and therefore had one of those comical moments where I drive a little bit forward, and then drive a little bit backwards, repeat forty times, etc. I was paid out for it, which was well-deserved, but it has left my driving ego slightly bruised. I am thinking that if I want to upgrade my licence in two weeks, I need to brush up on some skills quite quickly indeed.

Sigh.

(P.S. Work blows.)

Reading: I've just finished Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh. It did not float my boat. It was such a bore. It was boredom-making. I have heard that it is some type of highly-acclaimed, insightful social commentary, but methinks it was perhaps much more valid in the 1930's than it is so many years later. I suspect it is most likely one of those books that I just Don't Get. And I am very glad to be rid of it. Now I get to choose a new book to read, which makes my heart all a-flutter.

Watching: a few different things, but I am devastated that United States of Tara is now off the air until 2010. Multiple personality Toni Collette is my favourite Toni Collette.

Going: to the movies. Beardie and I went and saw a movie which cements our reputations as the nerdiest nerds that the realm of nerds has ever known, i.e. Dragonball Evolution. Yeah! It wasn't bad. Goku's hair wasn't big enough and Piccolo was missing his little antennae things. We probably could've waited for the DVD release.

Spotting: a blogger at the gym! A real-life blogger, in person! However, it wasn't actually anyone I read regularly - just a random Brisbane blog I stumbled on one day and spent a few minutes looking at. This girl walked into my class and I just couldn't work out where I'd seen her before, until all of a sudden it dawned on me and I inwardly exclaimed "OMG, I have seen her off the interwebz!" I don't know why I was so terribly excited by this.

Doing: not an awful lot.

• Piano is on hold until May, with a brand-new teacher who is just down the road from me.
• Herbie is doing well, and is growing impressively despite having bits snipped off him all the time.
• I am continuing to lose little bits of pudge here and there, very slowly indeed.
• Work is killing me, as per usual. I did actually get a heap of feedback following that e-mail I sent to the Director and I am slightly daunted by everything they want me to do before I can get a job down there. Where I am going to find the time to complete a billion training courses, I don't know.
• The plan for Easter is to buy a coat (this is outside of the buying-new-clothes ban, because yesterday was fricking cold and I don't want to spend this winter shivering) and go for a drive to a cave to look at some glow worms.
  

Lovely.

Today is Random Photo Friday!


This my herb garden. I went to Bunnings (I LOVE BUNNINGS), bought the bits, and then made it with my own two hands. I would give it a name, but can't come up with anything more imaginative than "Herbie". And now I just have to learn to cook something other than vegetables and meat so that I can actually use the bloody things.


Another Threadless order arrived! I love Threadless. Jesus is breakdancing!

So I have the day off to go to the dentist and I expect to be prodded and poked with sharp metal hooks and that horrible thing that blows gusts of air into your mouth. But 6-monthly check-ups are good for the whole Dental Health thing, and I plan to keep them up to try and avoid another disgusting abscess and subsequent root canal. Dentists = lovely.

I have a couple of other things to do as well, another driving lesson, a new battery for my watch, some new stockings OMG WHAT AN EXCITING DAY.

But, I am not at work, so hoo-fricking-ray, I say.

There's a shitload of changes afoot at work at the moment, which is not unusual, and if you want to survive working there you need to be really adaptable to change. I am cool with change. I am all "Oh, a change? Yeah, that's cool." But I coach somebody who hates change, and every time there is a change she sits next to me and complains into my ear for HOURS. And being bombarded with negative vibes kinda gets me down.

So besides feeling a bit down, I decided to e-mail the Director about that job that I didn't get. Yes, I was feeling a bit ballsy. And I said "hey, yo, why didn't I get an interview, you bastard?" except, you know, worded all professional-like. And he replied saying he had forwarded the e-mail to one of the panel members, and thanked me for my interest in his Section. And that's the end of the story.

It's the end of the fourth week of my fitness thingy. I realised earlier that this is the first time I have ever stuck to any type of self-improvement thing for more than two weeks, so I am a bit chuffed.

But I figure there's still six weeks left for me to completely cock it up in some way.