Busy!

• Thailand is postponed until February, at the earliest. And not because of any whacky anti-government demonstrations, but because Beardie tried to put in his leave and was told that it was a No Go. Devo! So we are having a mini-break, most likely to The Whitsundays, and Thailand shall come later. Which is better than it not happening at all, but still. Sniff.
  
  
• In a couple of weeks I am meeting up with the friend I mentioned in this post, to, you know. Catch up, and talk. And stuff. Thoughts = don't know. We will just see what happens. Mmkay.
  
  
• This weekend, Beardie's parents have been visiting, and we introduced them to the yum cha experience. We took them to Sunnybank yum cha, which is basically total mayhem. You arrive, take a ticket, and don't expect a table for another 45 minutes, at least. We thought our number was called ("TWO!") and we followed the lady to a table. The manager-type person hurried over and said "oh no, not TWO, I called SHOO. A reservation for the big fat lady and her friends." Yes, that's right, the head honcho of yum cha referred to a patron as "the big fat lady." Now those are some fantastic customer service skills which I am going to adopt at work immediately.
  

• Also during this visit:
  
  
  • Beardie's dad went through the files on both PC's in the house searching for movies/various other media that he could copy over to his hard drive and take back to Tasmania. This was all good until he stumbled upon a substantial amount of porn. Oops!
    
    
  • Beardie's mum greeted me, and referred to me by his ex's name. Oops again! I didn't hear it at the time, but when Beardie told me later I said "I don't mind that your mum did it... now if YOU did it, on the other hand..." and then I dished out a handful of scrotum-damaging threats.
    
    
• I am completely bored of reading shitty books. Why are so many books so very crappy? What happened to the books that you can't put down? I don't know where they are. I picked up a pamphlet from Borders called "50 books that you can't put down" (or something similar) but I suspect it is full of lies. Lies and deceit! If throwing them out a window does not count as putting them down, then yes, 100% correct.

Etc.

It's when I visit my mum that I realise where all of my neuroses and exceedingly anal behavioural traits have come from. The main example to point out here is that I arranged to meet my mother at 12, but know that she's always early (plus I want to buy a couple of things) so I get there at 10:20, and at 10:30 find I've missed a phone call from my mum, her voice slightly frantic because she hates talking on my voicemail, saying "are you here yet??"

So I go and meet my mother for our 12 o'clock lunch together, at 10:30.

Explain this to me.

Every time I meet up with mummy and bro I realise how very far removed I've become from my old, country girl self. Living on top of a mountain did nothing to aid the growth of my social skills, and as much of a misfit as I feel these days, I can't help but feel like the most cosmopolitan city-dweller on earth when we visit together.

Though I did catch up on the gossip of who's cutting down their trees, and the pagan rituals the nextdoor neighbour performs, and the feral cats that fight at night, and the backstabbing children of another neighbour who are trying to put him into a nursing home so that they can take his $1.5 million enormous property, and...

They should turn it into a soap opera. The Lives of the Mountain Dwellers. The SORDID Lives of the Mountain Dwellers. Or something equally exciting.

It's a shame though, because I think that living up there gives my mum some funny ideas. She's too far removed from everything, and watches too many reruns of The Gilmore Girls and Seachange. And she is tiny, and prim and proper, yet in the middle of lunch she blurted "those Gilmore Girls, what a pair of whorebags!" and made me choke on my sushi.

Gosh.

Woah! Check out how serious this post is!

P.S. I bought new jeans and peanut butter M&M's.

So, on this wondrous day of sitting on my arse, I am listening to music and dipping McVities into my many cups of tea.

In a minute, I am going to finish my book, and pick which one I am going to read next.

VERY EXCITING!

(Totally not kidding)

I was a little worried that I was finally getting the awful flu that everyone else seems to have, when I woke up all headachey and snotty, but this seems to have disappeared following the consumption of much tea.

GO TEA!

You know, I love tea. Every single morning, I drink my tea, and then say in an Irish accent "There's nothing loik a noice cup o' tea." I am unsure why I do this in an Irish accent. It's my thing.

In other news: ha! This post is massively boring and shit!

So, uh, if you could all just blog right now and give me something else to do, that would be sweet.

Mmkaythxbye.

Body odour.

It's a funny thing really.

I was quite excited that my bus was a lovely, shiny, air-conditioned bus, rather than one of the crusty old ones. However, air-conditioned means sealed windows which can't be opened in any way at all, and I completely despised my bus when the stinkiest man on earth sat next to me.

Now, if I have been to the gym (pfffft) or running around, then I will be conscious of the fact that I probably don't smell like roses. I'll put on deoderant, or steer clear of close contact with total strangers.

But not everyone follows my logic.

So this is how I find myself gagging on the bus ride home this afternoon.

Fun times.

For a Monday, today wasn't too bad. I actually left feeling quite cheery, instead of dejected and hating the world. Yay me! This may be in some way due to scoring both Thursday AND Friday off work this week. Two glorious days of sitting around, a mum visit, and more sitting around. Followed by the weekend! SCORE.

Now if this could happen to me every Monday, then that it would make it a pretty awesome day of the week.

Yesterday, we went to the Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.

• An eagle hit Beardie in the head with its wing
• A rainbow lorikeet hit Beardie in the head with its squirty poo
• I got scratches all over my wrist from little scratchy bird claws
• We both got various animal poo all over shoes
• I touched a kangaroo, it twitched violently, and I almost crapped myself thinking that it was going to beat the crap out of me
• We both said "ewwwwwwww" loudly after looking at the gigantic crocodile's disgusting foot growths
• We commented on the incredible reek of the koalas, and vowed to never touch one, never ever never
  

I meant to take the video camera with me and make the Best Home Video Ever, but discovered that the battery was flat right as we were leaving. Devo! But we have decided that the next school group-type adventure will be to Underwater World, and I won't be making the same mistake.

I have both today and tomorrow off work because at the moment I am trying to destress, or something like it. In actual fact, I have no idea what to do with myself. I think I am going to have my nails turned into something respectable, before I start taking out peoples eyes with my massive talons, and I will quite possibly also go and waste my cash on shiny things and clothes. Maybe some shiny clothes. I also suspect I will sit around and watch the DVD's I've been buying but not watching, and then play online games like a super geeky nerd geek. Oh, and of course some piano playing, in the desperate hope that I will magically turn into Ben Folds.

And at the end of it, I better be fricking stress-free, or else I'll be pissed. And stressed.

Tomorrow I'm attending an afternoon workshop as a representative of the agency I work for. I could possibly be required to "network". This will be quite difficult due to the following:

• I'm a social retard
• There will be no beer available
• My attempts at conversation result in convulsive giggles
• Talking about work is about as much fun as stabbing my tender bits with a spork
• Bleurghhhhh
• Etc.
  

Alas, I am going nonetheless, and I'm going to try and ditch my standard hobo outfit and dress like a Professional, Young Woman. Or something. And if I can score a couple of business cards then I'll be able to go back to work and flash them around like I've been successful at this whole networking thing, even though I'll have gathered them by stealing them from back pockets and handbags.

Wish me luck!

Actually, don't bother.

Currently reading:


The Virgin Suicides. Because I went all Sofia Coppola Fan Girl over the movie. Kooky shit that doesn't make much sense = my bag.

The book is going ok. It is quite a short book. Yes, this is the best review I can give.

Just watched:


Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Oh yes! Nobody can deny the appeal of James Spader's feathery hair and weird, confronting behaviour.

Spader is just so creepy, yet so appealing. How does he pull off this combo?


OH. YES.

Eating:


Nothing spectacular, to be honest. The same girl who gave me the box of maltesers last time had another box waiting for me a couple of days ago. I think that the roof of my mouth has actually disintegrated.

Doing:


Diddly, as per usual. Although in work news, my four week stint of acting as my boss is finishing next week, and they have offered it to me again next month, with a chance of it being ongoing. Which means I will be loaded! And stressed. But loaded! I don't think that the bags under my eyes could possibly get any baggier, so hey, what the hell.